Through my coaching journey, I learned that “playing not to lose” is a close friend of failure. I see this a lot in youth soccer. There is a lot of emphasis on NOT making mistakes, especially when a game is on the line. Whether it comes from the athlete themselves or from coaches and parents, it becomes easy to do. I have personally seen coaches push it on to young athletes, only to to wonder why they don’t have the courage to take risks when it is needed.
I saw this in Kaitlyn, one of my players on the 2012 Olympic Development Team this year. A good player with great “Soccer IQ.” I had watched a couple of games before tryouts to what she was like in her normal environment with her club team. I saw a player that was not comfortable taking risks. Instead of being judgmental, I asked questions. I spoke with with her parents and her coaches. We all agreed that this a mindset matter Kaitlyn needed to overcome.
I got to give “props” to her mom and she said it best: “Let your nerves work for you instead of against you.” It is something that will stick with me for a long time. Letting your nerves work for you allows excitement in taking risks. There is the thrill of uncertainty. I learned that when your nerves work for you, you either win or you LEARN. That’s what I needed to remind her. I needed to remind myself of this.
Again, Kaitlyn is 11 years old. A soccer player does not hit their peak until 27 years old. There is so much to learn. Every mistake is going is to get you closer to success. I shared this with her. It slowly wove into her play on the field. Her confidence grew and from my view, her whole outlook on the game was different. It showed in the championship game we played a month ago. Aggressive play all weekend and a major defensive play at the end of the game to help seal the win was where the difference was clear. Kaitlyn turned a corner in her development as a soccer player. I got to witness it.
This is why I love coaching. It’s a calling to serve. You witness young people have life-changing experiences. Credit ultimately goes to Kaitlyn. It was her that stepped up to do her best when her best was needed.
