We get upset when we don’t perform like we should, especially when expectations are high and margin for error is small.
I saw this as Lyric, one of my players, was staring out the car window on the way back to the hotel. It became a familiar thing as we played each game in the group stage of the Far West Championships. We were winning comfortably. However, Lyric was struggling to score goals. She missed many easy shots (sorry Lyric if you are reading this). It was frustrating. All the other girls were giggling, laughing, talking about cute boys they saw at the games, obsessing over the team group chat, and talking about what we are going to do the rest of the day. Lyric was quiet and gazed helplessly out the window.
If you coach youth sports, there are times where you see yourself in your players. This was a moment where I saw myself in Lyric. I remember staring out the car window on the ride home from games where I did not perform well. I missed easy shots. My eyes were watery. I could not hear any voices around me. The music from the car stereo was blaring but I tuned it out.
There are times where you need to be the coach you wish you had back then. It was easy to gloss over everything with Lyric because these were easy wins. I knew I could not do that. I needed to be there for her as a person, not a coach. I had go underneath the surface layer of not scoring goals. This was an opportunity to teach a life lesson of “letting go.” Each shot she missed was like additional weights that were crushing her self esteem, sinking her further from what her potential was. We have all been there. We had to stop the bleeding. I remember I story I read about the “Snake and the Saw.”
You may question what a snake and a saw has to do with youth soccer. It is about much more than a snake and a saw. It’s about what happens to us when we react in anger, frustration, and having feelings of inadequacy. It’s about what happens to us when we hold on to resentment and failures in life.
One night after closing time, the snake found its way inside a home improvement store. As the snake slithered around, it clipped itself on a saw that was lying on the ground. Thinking the saw was a threat, the snake instantly wrapped itself around the saw attempting to suffocate it. Of course, the snake didn’t do any damage to the saw. Instead, the snake ended up bleeding to death by the sharp blade of the saw.
Holding on to failures and disappointments can drain you. Some of us already know this. I shared this story with Lyric. I let her verbalize it so she could process it. It made sense. She understood. She still struggled the next game BUT she learned to let it go. She walked off the field with her head up. She got squirly and giggly with the other girls (which drove me nuts on the way back to the hotel lol). From there, shame and disappointment no longer clouded how she played the game. But during the championship game was when she was able to come full circle. She scored the winning goal in the championship. I, along with her teammates were filled with joy. Her father was overcome with emotions as tears flowed down his face (sorry Akilah). It was great to be a witness to this moment.
When we look at things from a new perspective, it is much easier to move on. Lyric was able to move on and focus on the next play, which lead to team success as well as her own. She also received an invitation to Region Camp this summer to further her development and success.